Where will the journey take me?

If you're wondering why I haven't written anything in a little while, it's not because I've given up.  But I started this blog to talk at getting better, and I realized that I wasn't doing a whole lot of getting better.  The journey continues, though.  I just don't know where it will take me at this point.

I had a very good appointment with my primary doctor the other day.  I wanted to discuss all of my updates with her and get her advice on where to go next.  I was concerned about taking competing blood pressure medications (one to raise my BP and one to lower it).  She agreed that this could be an issue, especially since I was having more dizzy spells.  She suggested I give the new med (that lowers BP) another week to see if it helps the tinnitus, and then stop taking it if it's not helping by then.  I love that she told me that I need to be my own advocate, and if I don't feel like something is right I need to speak up.  (Not that I didn't already do that.)

We also discussed my extreme fatigue, and running to all of these doctors.  I asked her for some direction on where she thought I should focus my energy.  She suggested that I have 2 consults: one with a Lyme specialist, which is scheduled for January 10th, and one at the Fibromyalgia Center.  After hearing what each of them have to say, I may be able to get better direction with one of those places.  It's one thing to treat the pain with physical therapy, the migraines with a neurologist, etc., but it would be really nice to get to the root cause of everything and treat it all together.

In the mean time, Megan was sick for several days so we postponed our plans to visit family for the holiday.  I was supposed to take off from work on Monday and Tuesday, but now I rescheduled to go in on those days.  And, as luck would have it, I'm coming down with something today.  After spending a long, relaxing weekend snuggling with my sick girl, I have body aches, a cough and a cold sore - just in time for work tomorrow.  It would be nice if my office would close due to the snow, but I highly doubt that will happen.  At least the office will be quiet since most people are on vacation.

OUCH!

I had another facet injection today.  Well, technically I guess it would be considered 2 injections, since the doctor did both sides of my neck at C-5/C-6.  I had this appointment scheduled before the pinched nerve happened earlier this week, so it was good timing.  Unfortunately, this time around the injections were more painful than last time.  Maybe because it was both sides - I'm not really sure.

Even with the numbing medication, I could feel some pain when he was through.  And from past experience, I know I will be in a world of hurt once the numbing medication wears off (it's starting to already).  This is totally expected, although last time it wasn't too bad since it was confined to one side.  But I also know from experience that this will provide a lot of relief soon.  It usually takes 3-4 days for the injection to really start to work, but once it does I will hopefully be able to take advantage of some pain-free time and go back to my strengthening exercises.

For now, I'll ice and rest and think about the relief that is on its way.

Paging Dr. House...

In the words of some good friends of mine, I need someone like Dr. House to review my entire medical history and figure out what is wrong with me.  I received more inconclusive results last night.  But from my research, they do give a little more direction.  I sent them to my primary doctor to review, but I have a feeling another specialist is on the horizon.  We'll see.

I'm just tired of bandaiding all of the symptoms.  I want to solve the problem.  The latest, in addition to still being completely run down, is a pinched nerve in my neck that is causing constant pain in my upper back, and pain when I turn my head or move my arms.  This is a set-back for PT because the therapist wants me to focus on strengthening and stability, but told me NOT to do any exercises while I have pain from this.  So, now I have to take more anti-inflammatory meds and hope this gets better quickly.

When will I start getting better?

I'm trying to do all the right things, but I keep ending up right back in the same place.  Worn out, run down, aches and pains, and with whatever virus is going around.  I started off yesterday with a sore throat and upper back pain.  It only got worse as the day went on.  So today I am home, resting.  I feel like the only thing I can do is give my body time to heal.  But I'm going in circles.

I finally got the results from my MRI, which didn't show anything.  I'm waiting for the ENT to get some blood work results and then he'll let me know where we go from here.  In the mean time, my left ear still bothers me on a regular basis, and the tinnitus is always there - sometimes worse than others.  The dizziness has continued also.

I do feel like PT is helping me make some progress though.  My last appointment was on Monday, and they continued with the Graston Technique (which leaves me with nasty bruises, but seems to be helping).  When I left there, I actually felt great.  I had lots of movement in my neck and shoulders without pain, except that where the therapist works with Graston is painful to the touch.  Unfortunately, by later that day I started getting a lot of muscle pain in my upper back between my shoulder blades.  That pain still continues today.  I'm supposed to be doing a lot of exercises at home.  The problem is that there are not enough hours in the day, and not enough energy in my body!  I tried making time for exercising in the morning before work.  No luck.  It's hard enough getting out of bed as it is.  Evenings are even worse since I'm wiped out from the day, yet I have to help with homework, dinner, baths, etc.  In the mean time, my Short Term Disability claim for the first 2 weeks (prior to surgery) was officially denied.  They don't see that I had a problem that required me to stop working.  Looks like I have to write an appeal letter.

Off to take a nap!

2 naps today

I think the title pretty much says it all.  I am totally run down.  This can't keep happening.  In addition, I've had more dizziness and ear pain in the last 2 days.  When does the fun end?

A long weekend

I thought a 4 day weekend would give me time to rest, but that doesn't seem to be the case.  I may have rested some but not enough to get ahead of the game.

My office closed early on Wednesday, which is nice.  So I used the time to run errands and make dinner.  Thursday we spent a lot of time cleaning up the house and then went to Thanksgiving dinner at my cousin's house.  Friday was more cleaning, then babysitting my adorable nephew for a bit, then physical therapy (which left me with bruises, but that's another story!).  Saturday was more of the same, except Megan ended up with a stomach virus.  Thankfully that was short lived, but we chose to stay home today instead of running her ragged and exposing others to the germs.  So far today I spent most of the morning cleaning out the fish tank.  And now my back is paying for it.

Tomorrow starts the whole process over again.  Back to work, then running out for an MRI at lunch, then back to work.  I also have PT 2 days next week plus a follow up with my orthopedist.  Too much running around!  I honestly don't know how my body is supposed to handle this.

You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em.

Today, I fold.  I give in.  I'm asking for mercy.

I had a great weekend.  Sean and I had a date on Saturday night.  I knew ahead of time that I would be exhausted afterwards, but I wanted to go anyway.  We went out to see our friends' band.  A great group of guys that we don't get to see very often, awesome musicians, and a lot of fun.  I had a great time, but I forgot what it was like to stand in a loud bar all night.  When we walked out of the bar, my ears were ringing louder than usual and they felt really full.  I chalked it up to the loud music (next time I'll have to bring ear plugs!) and figured it would go away after a little while.

I don't think I got to sleep until around 3AM - on the floor at my parents' house (they babysat the kids while we went out).  Obviously, waking up at 8 on Sunday morning left me a bit exhausted.  My left ear was still ringing louder than usual, and with the fullness it was actually starting to hurt.  But we went through the day as planned.  Drove to NJ to visit my cousin and had a very nice "family day" at his house.  By the time we left there, I was starting to get occasional sharp pain in my left ear.  It would last for about 10 seconds and then be gone.

The drive home took a lot longer than usual thanks to traffic in Philly due to the Philadelphia Marathon.  On the drive I started to get dizzy.  At first I thought it was just because I was so tired, but I'm now realizing that it's related to my ear.  The dizziness and stabbing pain got worse as the evening went on.

I went to sleep last night at a decent time, hoping that a good night's sleep would help everything go back to normal.  I still had a lot of trouble getting out of bed this morning, and I realized as soon as I got up that the dizziness hasn't gone away.  I went about my morning as usual and made it to PT in spite of being dizzy.  But still, it continued.  My PT actually wants to see the test results from Friday to see if there's any way she can help with the ear issues.  Of course, there's only so much that can fit into one PT session when you're still trying to work full time!  And today I needed to focus on my neck and upper back.

Toward the end of my PT session, the dizziness got even worse.  I even had to stop doing some exercises because of it.  Driving home was no picnic.  Glad it's only about 5 minutes away.  I took my time coming home.  But that was it.  I emailed my boss to tell him that I wasn't going to make it in today.  I can't keep pushing myself through things like this.  It's one thing to be dizzy when you turn your head, but an entirely different story when the waves come on for no reason when you are not moving.  I can not see sitting at my desk all day feeling like this.

So that's it.  Today I will let my body rest and try to heal itself.  One day at a time is all I can do right now.  The ringing is back down to the usual volume, so maybe that's a start for everything else to return to normal.

And for the record, I'm still glad we went out on Saturday night!

Every day is something new

One of my more minor issues is tinnitus.  For most people, it's just an occasional annoyance.  I've had ringing in both ears for as long as I can remember.  It was never a big deal, until about a year ago.  The ringing in my left ear got a lot worse and became constant.  That ear always feels full and occasionally it hurts.  I've had my ears checked numerous times and there never appears to be a problem.  In fact, doctors usually tell me that it's clear even when it feels full to me.

In the last few months, the left ear has gotten even worse.  The pain comes more often and I can hear the ringing even in my loud office.  In September, I went to my ENT for another reason (abnormalities on an MRI and CT scan - the scans were done for my neck problems but they found other stuff) and mentioned the tinnitus.  He checked my hearing, which was near perfect (to my children's dismay) and didn't see anything else wrong.  So he prescribed a steroid in case there was inflammation and told me to try some Ginkgo Biloba.  He asked me to come back 6 weeks later.

6 weeks went by with absolutely no change in the ringing.  At the next appointment he asked some questions about dizziness and vertigo, and watched me walk.  I've always had dizziness upon standing (low blood pressure) but sometimes it's hard to separate that from true dizziness.  He checked my hearing again, which still hadn't changed, and then suggested I come back for 2 tests.  I've actually had these tests done before, probably about 13 years ago, and the results were normal.

Yesterday I went in for the tests.  They are the VNG and AVR (I think).  I don't know what those stand for, but they are some odd tests!  For the first one, I wore special infrared goggles which measured how my eyes moved as I watched a dot move around on an electronic board.  They also forced cool and warm air into my ears, which makes you dizzy, and measured my eyes' reaction to that.  The 2nd test was even more strange.  They put earphones IN my ears and electrodes on my forehead and earlobes.  The earphones just played a series of clicks while the electrodes measured the response of my brain.

The doctor called me with the results within a few hours of completing the tests.  Both tests were abnormal in the left ear.  One of them could indicate an inner ear or a central problem, but the other one more specifically points to a central problem.  So, he now wants me to go for another MRI (this time with contrast) and also some bloodwork.  He said he likes to check for Lyme Disease since that could cause ear problems, even though I've been tested twice for it before and it came back negative both times.

Of course, I always have to self-diagnose.  I do lots of research on the internet to figure out what is going on with me and what options I have.  Since it was already late on Friday afternoon, I wasn't going to call to schedule the MRI until Monday.  But I had to look up the diagnosis code on the paperwork.  I HAD to.  I shouldn't have.  The diagnosis code indicates some kind of non-cancerous tumor behind the ear that presses on nerves and causes problems like tinnitus (check), headaches (check), dizziness (check), and fatigue (check).  Small tumors typically aren't a problem, but as they grow, symptoms get worse.  I immediately picked up the phone and called to schedule the MRI.  Considering my last MRI showed other abnormalities, this scared me.

With Thanksgiving next week, I have to wait until the following week to have the MRI.  Figures.  In the mean time, I will call the doctor back on Monday and see if he wants to look at my last MRI and CT scan one more time to see if those will help him figure out what is going on.  When I took them to him last time, we were focused on another hemangioma on my neck so I don't think he looked at anything else.  He's the doctor who removed the hemangioma from my neck 2 years ago, and this new one seems to be in a similar place.

Fun stuff!

For now, I'm going to go enjoy a much needed night out.  Sean and I are going to see our friends' band tonight.  I think I could use a few drinks, even if they come with a migraine.

Ouch!

I went to Physical Therapy this morning and, among other things, I let the therapist tape my back.  We've done this before and I know the benefit, but I definitely need to ease into it.  She puts an "X" of tape across my shoulders to my mid-back while my shoulder blades are pinched together.  This holds my shoulder blades in the proper position, while giving my "cranky" upper traps a chance to relax in this position.

I knew it wouldn't last long.  She taped me around 9:15 this morning, and by 12:45 I was almost in tears.  I came home to rip the tape off (another ouch!) but it still hurts.  I'm now icing my upper back.  I wasn't planning to take a lunch break today since I was late to work, but I had no choice.

An update since my last entry... I knew with how achy I was on Wednesday that something wasn't right.  I ended up leaving work a little early and coming home to sleep.  The achiness continued on Thursday so I had to take a sick day.  I napped off and on during the day and thankfully was feeling better by Friday.  The aches were gone but I was still drained.  Even today, from all of the running around this morning, I'm drained.  I'm doing everything I can to be healthier.  When will it all kick in?!

Not a great day

I'm thankful that I don't have a migraine yet today (the day is still young though, right?), but it sucks to feel like crap and still have to get up and go.  For some reason, I had a lot of trouble waking up this morning when my alarm went off.  I was really tired and dragging.  Not a great start to the day.

At 9:00, I had a meeting at work and the conference room was really warm.  The temperature in my office is so crazy.  It's either freezing (with cold air blowing on my neck as I sit at my desk) or extremely hot, and the temperature varies as you move throughout the office.  The warm conference room was making me feel uncomfortable, and even somewhat lightheaded.  When I went back to my desk, I was still hot (even though I'm usually cold sitting there) and just felt all over yucky.  Not to mention that the fatigue I had in the morning was still with me.

So I came home at lunch to put my feet up and relax for a bit.  A nap right about now would be great, but I doubt I'd be able to get up and go back to work.  In addition to all of this, my neck and shoulder muscles hurt from physical therapy yesterday.  My regular pain is still there, but as the therapist was trying to work out the tight muscles, she was really digging in.  I'm used to this because it's the only way to get my muscles to relax (not that it totally works).  But the problem is that I'm always sore the next day.  It literally feels like my muscles are bruised.  It hurts to touch them, but of course I do touch them because they still hurt from being tight.  A no-win situation.

Well, only a few more minutes to relax before I have to go back to the office.  Boo!

Back to Physical Therapy

When I saw the Orthopedist last week, he was happy to hear that the pain on the right side of my neck and shoulder had responded to the facet injection.  But the problem was that now I was feeling more pain on the left.  It's not new pain on the left - instead it's pain that's always been there but was overshadowed by the intense pain on the right.  I wouldn't say that the right is pain-free, either, but definitely less intense than before.  When he felt my upper traps (which have been extremely tight for YEARS), he called them "cranky."  So, gave me an anti-inflammatory medication and told me to go back to physical therapy for a month and then we'll re-evaluate the situation.

The bad news is that I've been having another week of migraines.  The good news is that I'm feeling them more on the left than on the right this time.  They always start with intense pain in my neck, so maybe the facet injection helped ease them somewhat, since I typically feel them on the right more than the left.

Today was my first session of PT.  I went back to the same therapist that treated me several months ago, since she knows my situation and what kind of treatment I can tolerate already.  After a quick re-evaluation, she did some treatment.  It seems that my muscles are worse off right now than they were before.  I have been doing some of the exercises at home but I will have to get more regular with them.  The PT session was good, but I wound up leaving there with a migraine.  (I don't think it's from anything she did.  I probably would have had it anyway, since I've had them daily for the last week.)

Michelle, my therapist, was surprised to find that although most of my pain seems to be coming from C-5/C-6 on my neck, my MRI showed the worst bulge at C-4.  We're still trying to figure out how the torn rotator cuff on the right fits into all of this.  Did the torn rotator cuff cause over-compensation with the muscles on the right side of my neck (which eventually led to over-compensation with the muscles on the left)?  Or, did the bulging discs on the right cause additional strain on my shoulder, leading to the torn rotator cuff?  The only thing that I know is that the rotator cuff tear is not a result of a specific injury.  It happened over time, as a cumulative injury.  And the pain in my neck has been going on for a long time, also.

Having Fibromyalgia and Ehlers-Danlos doesn't help this situation.  ED is a connective tissue disorder, causing increased elasticity in my body and hypermobility in my joints.  And, of course, Fibromyalgia increases my pain.  I would guess that the ED is probably the reason these issues came about in the first place.  In general, it looks like I need to strengthen my whole body in order to stabilize everything and not ruin any more muscles!  If only I had the energy for this.

Right now, I'm hoping that the migraine lessens so I can get to work today.  I came home after PT and popped some Excedrin.  I have no energy to get up and go.  I thought doing PT in the morning would be better than going at night (when I already am out of energy) but it looks like it doesn't make much difference either way.  I'll have to decide whether I want to stick with mornings so at least I have energy to do the exercises, or spend my energy at work and not have much left for PT in the evening.

A few of my favorites

Since a lot of people have asked, I thought I would highlight some of my new favorite products.

One thing that we've been using for a while is Method Cleaner.  We have a glass table in the kitchen, and ever since we bought it we've been using this cleaner.  I had always figured that I didn't want to put chemicals on the surfact that my kids eat off of.  So this cleaner replaces using Windex on the glass table.  It smells great and doesn't leave any streaks.

My new favorite shampoo and conditioner is from Trader Joes.  Megan loves it, too.  It's called Tea Tree Tingle, and it really does tingle!  It took a few days for me to get used to a different kind of clean for my hair, but now I love it.  I can go 2 days without washing my hair and it doesn't feel oily on the 2nd day like it used to.  I also have been using Trader Joes Tea Tree Oil soap.  It smells and feels great.

Also for my hair, I've been using Abba Pure Thermal Protect before drying and straightening my hair.  With no other products in my hair, this still helps hold the style all day.  Even the 2nd day, I only have to do minor touch-ups with the straightener.

As for make-up, I have found a few new products that I now can't live without.  I never used to wear eyeshadow because of how oily my skin is.  Eyeshadow would slide into the creases, and the color would disappear after a few hours, so why bother?  Recently I was given a gift card to Ulta, so I treated myself to some new mineral make-up.  I bought a set of eyeshadow by Tarte (had never tried that brand before) that came with a sample of their eye primer.  I love the shadow set.  It came with instructions for application, and looks awesome when applied.  But the real miracle is the Tarte Lifted Natural Eye Primer.  The first time I used the primer and shadow was for a special event.  I put it on around 8:00 in the morning, and figured I'd have to touch up the eyeshadow by lunch time.  Somehow, the shadow was perfect throughout the day, and into the night!  Now, I've been using it for work every day and am amazed that I put it on at 7 AM, and it's still on at 10 PM.  I am almost out of the sample size primer, so I went out and bought the full size product yesterday.  I'm hooked.

Some of the other make-up that I've been using is Pur Minerals pressed powder, mascara and primer (the primer was also a free gift that works well).  I use Bare Minerals all over face colors for blush.  I like Ulta Minerals loose powder for quick touch ups during the day.  For a while now, I've been using Rare Minerals facial cleanser.  It leaves my skin clean and soft.  I'm a little disappointed that this product is being discontinued/replaced, but I bought 2 bottles yesterday to stock up.

Another day I'll highlight some other favorites.  Enjoy these for now.

Something's gotta give

Before I took a break from work, I had an informal agreement with my boss allowing me to telecommute on days where I felt less than perfect.  For example, if I woke up with a migraine and took my meds in the morning, it would take about an hour before they would kick in.  Rather than being an hour late for work (I would still have to shower and get dressed), I could work from home and get my work done.  Or, if I knew I was extra fatigued and on the verge of coming down with something, I could get some extra sleep, take a nap if I needed to, and work later in the evening if needed.  When I returned to work, I figured I would at least have the same agreement.

I set up a meeting with my boss and the department head last week to discuss my work schedule.  I thought that if I could telecommute on a more regular basis, I could avoid getting sick so often and being so fatigued.  The other option that I presented was to reduce my hours (and workload), maybe just by 8 hours a week, to preserve my health.  What I didn't expect was that the department head would be completely against any sort of telecommuting now.

Turns out there is some "stuff" going on in the company and - to avoid the boring details - the department head appears to be scared for her job (and maybe the rest of our jobs).  While she initially seemed agreeable to the reduced schedule, when she took it to her boss he vetoed it.  He says that they can't afford to lose a "full time position" right now.

In the mean time, I had a follow up with the orthopedist yesterday and he wants me to go back to physical therapy.  That's two to three sessions a week, 1.5 to 2 hours each time.  I let my boss know about this, and he tried to help.  His suggestion was that since my sick days are protected by FMLA, I could take 1 sick day a week (or there about) but spread the hours out throughout the week as needed for my appointments.

I appreciate that he was trying to help.  But really, that's just not going to work.  The equivalent of 1 day a week out of the office equals a 20% reduction in work time.  However, I will still have 100% of the workload.  The only thing I see in this situation is increased stress on me to get the job done (without the flexibility to work at home) or risk a bad performance review.  I've been back to work for 6 days and already have 2 migraines (yesterday and today) and increased pain in my neck and back.  I am completely exhausted, once again back to having nothing to give to my family at the end of the day.  I can't keep it up.

Oops!

Two mistakes...

To start with, before I took a break from work I was taking a prescription medication called Nuvigil. It's supposed to help me not feel so tired throughout the day. When I wasn't working, the doctor suggested that I stop taking it so I could rest and also so I could see if there was any improvement. Well, today is my 5th day back at work and the first day that I remembered to take the medicine!

Another oops... as I was dropping Megan off at school this morning, a reminder went off on my phone telling me that I had a doctor's appointment in 15 minutes! Thankfully the appointment was close by and I got there in time, but my boss didn't sound too happy when I called to tell him I'd be late. Oh well! It's Just a follow up with the orthopedist so it shouldn't take long but he's always running late.

Wiped out

Three days of work and I'm totally wiped out. Thankfully, I slept well last night but unfortunately I woke up early today. I'm eating right (mostly), getting some exercise and changing my habits, but still wiped out. At this point, it's still hard to distinguish what is leftover fatigue from the surgery (it hasn't even been a month) and what is still my illness.

Today after I dropped Megan off at dance class I walked down the shopping center to the whole foods store, did a little shopping, and then walked back to the dance studio. Not overly exhausting, but I was wiped out anyway. Later on we took the kids to my sister's house with plans to go to the zoo near her. I opted to stay at her house and rest while she and Sean took the kids to the zoo. I hate missing things like that with my kids.

The first focus of From Fatigued To Fantastic! is sleep. The doctor's advice is that I (and other Fibromyalgia sufferers) need 8 to 9 solid, uninterrupted hours of sleep every night. For some reason, that doesn't ever seem to happen. No matter how hard I try, something always gets in the way. Either not being able to fall asleep or something wakes me up and then I can't get back to sleep, or like this morning I was accidentally woken up much earlier than I would have liked.

I'm using the suggested herbal remedy from the book (Revitalizing Sleep Formula), which does seem to help.  It's a very odd sensation, not like any prescription sleep medication I've tried.  The book explains that it helps you get the deepest sleep, and even mentions that you will have "marathon dreams."  I didn't believe it, but it's true.  It was so weird at first that I stopped taking it after a few days.  The dreams are so strange and vivid, but not disturbing - just different.  I've had issues with taking vitamins too late in the day and they cause me to have extremely vivid dreams that actually wake me up, so I was afraid this was going to be the same.  But I gave it another shot and it's actually working.

So, I'm hopeful.  I'll keep working on my plan and try not to expect overnight miracles.  A miracle every now and then would be nice, but I'll try to understand that baby steps are good, too.

The more things change...

After being out of work since mid-September, going back yesterday just reminded me of why I needed to leave. I went in with a positive attitude, hoping things would be better, more relaxed, a little less stressed. No such luck. I actually lost count of how many times my co-workers and I joked that "nothing's changed." The only changes that I noticed were the amount of dust on my desk (which I will no longer see since it is already covered in papers after one day) and the temperature. It's usually very cold in my office, but I was sweating all day yesterday.

It didn't take long for my boss to show his true colors; ignoring messages that I sent him, interrupting me constantly, and making excuses for all of the stuff that he DIDN'T do while I was out. Not one thing changed about the work that I left him. That's always fun to come back to!

I do need to focus on the positive changes. Not at work, but in my own life. Not only am I eating healthier, my family is following along. Jackson, who is the toughest with food (he's picky like I am, and he has food sensitivities), is showing very positive changes. Yesterday he told me that he actually liked the chicken I made the other night. He said it out of nowhere. And there was another comment about how trying things isn't always so bad. So, he might not love everything that I put on his plate, but he did ask for carrot sticks and hummus for a snack yesterday! Today I offered him a hard boiled egg, sliced, with pepper as part of his lunch and he was thrilled. He even agreed with me that he loves that "healthy snack!"

I'm also proud of the positive changes I have made with my personal products. Getting rid of the chemicals and making smarter choices is making a difference. I love my Tea Tree Tingle shampoo and conditioner (from Trader Joe's), natural makeup, and even using more natural home remedies. Little by little, we're detoxing the house, and teaching the kids to make good choices at the same time.

Ready or not, here I come!

Definitely more "not" than "ready" but what can I do? Started the day off as expected... with not much sleep. It's hard to turn your mind off at times like this. But, off I go in a few minutes. I packed some grapes to munch on this morning, and then I'll come home for a good lunch. I'm sure I'll need to get out of the office by lunchtime!

Going back to work tomorrow

I finally cleared my way through all of the paperwork and am cleared to go back to work tomorrow.  Not that I really feel that I'm ready for it, but I don't have much of a choice.  My primary doc put on my release note that I should work from home part time if possible, and of course that is causing more questions for HR.  But regardless of how things work out, I will be going into the office tomorrow.  I had called my department head the other day to discuss possibly having a formal work from home schedule or reducing my hours, and she never even called me back.  Nice!

So, with today being my last day at home, I managed to get a massage and try Craniosacral Therapy (which is combined with the massage).  This therapy is supposed to be helpful for Fibromyalgia and migraines so I figured I'd give it a shot.  I did feel pretty refreshed after the session - not that I think this is a cure.  Of course, after that I ran to Wegmans (which I hate!) to pick up a few things and wore myself out.  Came home, made some lunch, then took a nap.  Guess that will be my last nap for a while.

Tonight's dinner is pretty simple, at least for the amount of cooking that I have to do.  Sean cooked a brisket and potatoes over the weekend and I cooked chicken last night.  Tonight I am reheating the brisket and potatoes, and also the chicken in the brisket gravy.  I also roasted some cauliflower.  That's really the only new part.  Right now it smells good!

No work today... or tomorrow

Things could not be more confusing and messed up between my disability company and my employer.  My initial claim for fibromyalgia, submitted by my PCP, was denied (although I plan to fight that later).  In order to be approved for the claim for surgery, I have to be an active employee of the company right before the surgery.  Technically, since I was out of work for 2 weeks before that, I am not an active employee.  Thankfully (I guess), HR told me that if my initial claim was denied, then I would have to use vacation time for those first 2 weeks - which makes me an active employee again.

So the good news is that at a minimum, my surgery claim will be approved.  The surgeon released me to return to work as of today.  Unfortunately, no one has been able to get their hands on that actual paperwork!  In the mean time, on Friday afternoon, HR at my company told me that in order to return to work I need a release from not only the surgeon but also from my PCP who filled out the initial disability claim.  Makes no sense since the claim from the PCP was denied!  Anyway, the PCP's office was closed for the afternoon on Friday, and the surgeon never called me back.  So, HR told me not to come into work today.

Now, of course, I called the PCP again this morning only to find that she's out of the office for the day today!  Since I can't return to work until I have a note from her, it looks like I can't go in tomorrow either.

Not that I feel I'm ready to go back, but I don't think I have much choice.  I'm still constantly exhausted.  I wear myself out by just getting the kids ready in the morning.  And I know the healthy meals will have to stop once I go back to work full time.  I'll pretty much be in the same place I was before I stopped working.  Getting home at night just in time to throw some crap in the microwave for dinner, while struggling to help with homework and bedtime routines.  If I'm exhausted at noon today, when I've only done some laundry and ran an errand, how am I supposed to feel any better once I throw full time work back into the mix?  I'll have to keep fighting the disability company, but by the time there's any kind of determination I'll have been back at work and back to the same mess again.

Interesting Week

It's been a few days since I've posted.  On Tuesday I had my post-op appointment with the surgeon.  In spite of telling him that I still get pain when I'm too active and I get fatigued very easily, he released me to go back to work as of this Monday.  I also had an appointment for the nerve study (EMG) on Tuesday.  Thankfully it showed no nerve damage and no carpal tunnel.  So my wrist pain is referred pain from my neck and shoulder.  Good to know.  After those two appointments, I came home and crashed for a while.

On Wednesday I didn't have any appointments.  Instead I went to one store just to do a return, then drove out to Whole Foods to do some food shopping.  Exhausted again when I got home so I took another nap.  I got up in time to make a nice dinner - meatloaf and honey sweet potatoes.  Megan ate all of the meatloaf with no complaint.  Jackson eventually ate it after coating it in ranch dressing (special no-vinegar dressing that I was able to find for him at Whole Foods!).  Surprisingly, neither of them liked the honey sweet potatoes!  I don't know where I go wrong.  They only want the sweet potatoes that come out of the can.  : S  Well, at least I didn't cut myself or have any other cooking mishaps while making dinner.

Yesterday was back to running around for doctors appointments.  First was a follow up with my PCP.  She's very understanding and helpful and offers lots of suggestions, but with my short term disability situation still up in the air, there's not a whole lot she can do for me.  More on the STD claim in a minute.  While I was there, I got my flu shot.  You know, just because I felt like I needed to add a little more to the existing aches and pains.  I figured there was never going to be a time where I felt 100% AND wanted to mess that up with the flu shot, so better to get it over with now and not get the flu.  I've had the flu.  It sucks.

After that, I had a few minutes to stop home and gulp down a salad for lunch before heading out to my next appointment.  I went back to the Orthopedist for a facet injection in my neck.  A facet injection goes deeper than a regular muscle-numbing shot, and requires an x-ray while performing the injection to ensure that the doc gets it in the right spot, but not TOO far!  Scary.  But helpful.  Anyway, the nurse was taking my vitals before the procedure and for some reason my heart rate was pretty high.  I didn't feel nervous (I've had a facet injection before, and while scary, I was focusing on the relief) but maybe I was.  Or maybe it had something to do with my body reacting to the earlier flu shot.  Who knows.  Regardless, the shot was successful and I came home to nap.  Unfortunately, once the numbing shot (used before the actual facet injection) wore off, the pain started.  I knew this might happen.  It should go away in a day or so, and hopefully the actual injection will have kicked in by then.  Last time I had one of these, I was in such acute pain that I didn't really feel the pain of the shot.

So I napped for a bit but woke up feeling worse than ever.  Aches all over my body and pain in my neck.  I did my best to get through the evening... made dinner (nothing special last night), helped with homework, got the kids ready for bed, and even tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour (turned off the Phillies game!).  But the pains continued.  I had taken ibuprofen but it wasn't helping.  After trying relaxation music and a change of scenery, I gave up.  I took Tylenol with Codeine.  I figured that even if the Tylenol didn't relieve the pain, at least the Codeine would knock me out!  And it did.  : )

Today I feel somewhat better.  It was tough getting out of bed this morning, but now that I'm moving around I'm ok.  I have to run shortly to an appointment with my neurologist, and then I have several errands to run.  I know I promised info on the STD claim, but I'll have to post about that later.

A Day of Rest

Today I will be resting.  Well, I'll rest as much as I can.  Somehow I always find an errand that needs to be done.  But I definitely need to rest!  Let me back up and update the last few days.

Toward the end of last week I wasn't feeling great.  My body started aching with a flu-like feeling, which is an immediate signal for me to slow down.  This definitely wasn't part of my surgery recovery.  It was my normal "getting sick" signal.  So, I did my best to rest up and get sleep (easier said than done).  I knew I had a big weekend ahead and I needed to try to be one of those "normal" people who can go to a family event for the weekend and not need to slow down.





On Thursday I tried some new recipes.  I know everyone loves to hear of my food follies!  The initial plan was to make meatloaf and potatoes au gratin with sweet and white potatoes.  The potato recipe was from the same book as my other attempts at cooking.  I chose it hoping that the kids would eat it.

I journeyed out to get bread crumbs for the meatloaf and pick up some other things.  At Target, where I had gone for some other items first, I found bread crumbs.  I don't know what made me read the ingredients on the bread crumbs, because I thought they would be pretty simple.  I was amazed to find tons of chemicals listed on the label!  So I put those bread crumbs back and figured I would just have to make another stop at the market.

But right next to the bread crumbs, I saw a box of Shake-N-Bake.  I checked the ingredients on that, knowing that I also had chicken breasts at home.  I was again amazed, this time in a good way.  Simple ingredients and no chemicals.  It was going to be a Shake-N-Bake dinner instead!

Later that day as I started cooking, I realized that I hadn't left myself enough time.  Both recipes seemed simple when reading them, but the execution was a bit more time consuming than I expected.  I'm sure it would have taken even less time if I hadn't sliced my finger - TWICE - while slicing the potatoes!  At least I know the mandolin slicer is sharp.

The verdict of the meal - score one for the kids and two for the adults.  I did not hear one complaint from the kids on the chicken.  I had made the "Southern Un-Fried Chicken" recipe, which first coats the chicken in Ranch Dressing.  It was delicious!  The kids ate it without a word of complaint.  I don't ask for praise.  No complaints is good enough.  Sean and I also enjoyed the chicken.  The kids didn't like the potatoes.  Next time I will make them cheesier and maybe we will get a better result.  I have to learn how to doctor up certain things for my family's taste, but first I need to learn how to cook without killing myself.  On the other hand, Sean and I both loved the potatoes.  So for that, I'm happy.

Moving on to Friday, I spent the morning packing and getting ready to drive to northern NJ for a Bar Mitzvah.  It was a hectic morning as I tried not to forget anything.  I lost that battle.  Items I forgot: 2 brand new headbands that I bought for Megan just for the Bar Mitzvah, pajamas for me, socks for me, one medication for the kids, and my razor.  The evening was just as hectic as the morning.  We picked up both kids from school, drove to the hotel, got dressed for synagogue, went to dinner at the synagogue and then services.  I was thankful to be back at the hotel and ready for bed, figuring I was so tired that I would just konk out.

No such luck!  The kids took a little while to settle down and fall asleep.  By the time I got in bed, the chaos started.  From 11 to 3:15, there were some inconsiderate hotel guests being extremely loud in the hallway.  Things finally settled down after that (after hotel security took care of the problem), but by then I was just awake.  I was hungry, I was thirsty, I was everything but sleepy.  I think I finally fell back to sleep around 5:00, and the kids woke us up around 6:45 (they never sleep in on the days that you want them to!).  An hour and a half of sleep before another hectic day.

Breakfast, back to the room, get everyone dressed, and off to the Bar Mitzvah by 9:00.  I have now realized that I have to double the time it takes me to get ready, since Megan has become a mini-me.  I have to dry my hair; I have to dry her hair.  I have to straighten my hair; I have to straighten her hair.  I have to put on my makeup; I have to put on her makeup.  Somehow we got it all done though.

The Bar Mitzvah was great and everyone had fun.  By 6:00, I thought for sure the kids would rest in the room (so I could, too).  What was I thinking?  They couldn't settle down.  So at 7:45 we went to the hotel restaurant to meet the family for a while.  At some point while we were at the restaurant, Megan fell asleep on my cousin Ellen.  Jackson was out quickly when we went back to our room.  Everyone was exhausted and I figured I would finally get some sleep.  WRONG!

The hallway chaos started up again.  By 2:30 I had had enough.  Sean called the front desk and eventually the guests were kicked out.  Another night of minimal sleep.  Awake at 7ish, breakfast with the family, check-out of the hotel (and get an $80 discount for the 2 nights of no sleep!), and drive home.  Pure exhaustion, and a sore throat to go with it.  Another sign of an oncoming illness.

At least last night I had a decent night of sleep in my own bed.  No drunk 20-somethings being loud in my hallway.  Everyone was a little slow getting up this morning, with good reason.  This all reinforces my need to improve my health.  I need to be able to do "normal people" things like this without getting sick or needing extra recovery time.  Granted, even a "normal person" might need some extra sleep after the hallway chaos 2 nights in a row, but most would be able to make it through without getting sick.

So, today I'll rest.  I'll try to plan a healthy dinner, but it will definitely be on the easier side of cooking.  Thankfully, I don't have any appointments today.  I'll keep my feet up, and later I'll take a nap.

Still Recovering

As good as I feel for the most part, I need to remember that I'm still recovering from surgery.  I've been trying to ease back into a semi-normal life but I clearly wear myself out quickly these days.  Today I am resting.  I've been waking up with migraines every day lately, so I'll spend some time trying to figure out what has caused them to start up again.  Later, I'll make another attempt at a healthy dinner (that my kids most likely won't eat!).  Somewhere in between, hopefully some laundry will get done!

I thought I had completely removed my work stress for the time being, but I should have known better.  Although the current issue doesn't directly deal with work that needs to be done, it's still associated with my company and how nothing ever goes smoothly.  To make a long story short, I applied for Short Term Disability on 9/16/10.  Today is 10/13/10 and I still don't have an approved claim.  Not even for the major surgery that I just had.  To make matters worse, I can't even get in touch with a live person at the disability vendor.  Figures.  I'm trying not to worry too much for now.  But it would be nice to know whether I was going to get paid or not.

Eating Healthy

I think I'm doomed.  One of my goals to get healthy is to eat healthy.  I'm not a good cook.  I admit that freely.  I try, but I can't even boil water properly.  I have a strange habit of letting the pot boil over, which makes a mess on the stove.  I have no idea what the problem is but I really can't seem to get it right.

I guess it shouldn't be a surprise then that my last 3 attempts at making healthy food have not turned out so well.  I found some great recipes for foods that are high in the nutrients that I need to help with fibromyalgia, use unprocessed ingredients, and seemed like things that the whole family would enjoy, so I thought I'd give some of them a try.

First up was Banana Cherry Nut Bread.  Megan was thrilled to help me make this.  She poured in ingredients, mixed, mashed bananas.  The bread smelled wonderful while it was cooking.  Megan was begging for a piece of it.  She finally had a piece with dinner and promptly declared, "I don't like it."  Jackson didn't like it either.  I'll admit, it's not as sweet as a normal banana bread.  It's not terrible, but definitely not the hit I had hoped it would be.

The next attempt was hummus.  I have no idea what happened with the hummus.  It seemed like such a simple recipe that would be very tasty.  But instead it was more like a solid than a dip.  Sean even broke a wooden spoon trying to scoop some out of the Cuisinart.  Imagine sticking a cracker in that!  And it had no flavor.  In the end, I was able to work it more and make it edible (and dipable), but how does one screw up a simple mix like that?!  Only me...

Finally, for dinner last night, I had planned to make a Broccoli Cheese Pie.  It was basically a quiche, so I thought the kids would like it.  Unfortunately, by 4:00 yesterday afternoon I had worn myself out so I had to have Sean make dinner.  He's a much better cook than I am anyway.  But, with all of the slicing and dicing of fresh herbs and ingredients, he cut his finger!  Thankfully, he was ok and able to finish cooking.  I thought this meal was actually delicious.  The kids hated it.  Figures.  Can't win.

I'm starting to feel like all of my attempts to have my family (and of course, myself!) eat healthy are doomed.  I'll keep trying.  I know every little bit helps.  I think tonight might end up being a not-so-healthy meal though.  I'm still fairly worn out, and Sean will be taking Jackson to a doctors appointment after work so we'll have to sacrifice with an easy meal tonight.  Tomorrow's another day.

Jinxed myself

I should have known better.  I woke up with a migraine yesterday morning and today.  Back to the drawing board!  The good news is that overall, I'm feeling pretty good.  Still trying not to overdo it, but I think I'm able to do a little more every day.

In the words of Dory from Finding Nemo, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

Recovery

So far, so good.  I'm feeling pretty good, but finding that it's easy to over-do it.  As long as I'm resting, there is not much pain.  I can get up and get around little bits at a time.  But the longer I'm up and as the day goes on, more pain kicks in.  This is all to be expected, of course.  It's just hard to remember how much I need to rest when I am feeling ok.  In the scheme of things, I am very thankful.  I know the pain could be much worse.

I am happy to report that I haven't had a migraine since I stopped taking the Vitamin D.  (Hope I didn't just jinx myself!)  I expected to start getting them after the surgery, since I no longer needed to take hormonal birth control pills and I usually get migraines when I stop.  Thankfully, nothing yet.  Keeping my fingers crossed!

Surgery

Yesterday's surgery went well.  I had a fair amount of pain for the first few hours afterward, but by evening I was feeling better.  I was able to get out of bed with some help by 7:30 last night, and I'm getting around pretty well today.  I still have pain, moreso when I'm moving around, but it is tolerable.  I'll just take it easy for the next few days and let the healing happen.

General Update

Yesterday's appointment with the orthopedist was pretty good.  I was surprised when he told me that he thought my neck problem and Carpal Tunnel were unrelated though.  I always just assumed that the bulging discs were pinching something that was causing the occasional wrist pain, but he didn't think so.  I guess based on the pattern of wrist pain, it is its own separate issue.  So, I'll add to my list the nerve test (EMG) that he wants me to have.  I'll take care of that sometime after recovery from surgery.  He also suggested another facet injection for my neck.  That's the scary needle that injects cortisone (or other numbing medication) through the muscles and into the facet space, which is between the muscle and bone.  I had one once before, when I woke up one morning in terrible pain, and it definitely helped.  Surgery would be another option, but I don't think I'm anywhere near ready for that!

I'm feeling ok today... a little tired, as usual, but only a minor headache.  Nothing compared to my usual migraines.  Sean and I had to spend a good amount of time last night and this morning cleaning up the water in our basement from the recent storms.  I'm sure that pushing the steam vac wasn't helping my neck and shoulder.  But these are the parts of life that have to be done, and the reason I need to be all around healthier.  Now the whole house smells musty so clearly there is still more work to be done.

My surgery time for Monday is set.  I will arrive at the hospital at 10:30 to prep for a noon procedure.  I had hoped my arrival time would be earlier (to avoid the migraine from lack of food and caffeine!), but as long as I can just get this over with.  Also, a 10:30 arrival actually makes things easier.  Sean and I can get the kids ready for school and out the door, then have some time to prepare ourselves before leaving for the hospital.  I won't have to get up at the crack of dawn to shower.  : )

Today is a busy day.  I've already taken Megan to her dance class, done a bit of shopping while she was there, and then met Sean and Jackson at the Fall Jamboree at Jackson's school.  Sean is still there with the kids, and I came home to rest for a bit.  When they finish there, we're all going to a local restaurant for a late lunch to see a band play.  I'm sure the kids are going to love it, and it will give us a chance to see an old friend that Sean used to play with in a band.

Continuing the Journey

Before I get started on today's entry, a quick note on my surgery.  For those who have not been able to find it in the previous posts, I'm having a hysterectomy to resolve "dysfunctional uterine bleeding" (the technical term).

As for today's journey, I'm off to meet yet another doctor.  This appointment is with an orthopedist to review my neck and shoulder pain, as well as some abnormalities found on a CT scan.  The neck pain has been bad for years.  Although it's a distinct issue in and of itself (herniated discs and arthritis), it is also somehow related to the migraines.  All of my migraines include pain in my neck.  So, is the migraine making the neck pain worse or is the neck pain making the migraine worse?  Will solving one help the other?  Many who know me are used to seeing me walk around with my right hand on my neck because of the pain.  I do find it interesting though, that my general, daily neck pain has been significantly less over the last two weeks.  Two weeks with much less stress, not sitting in an uncomfortable chair at a desk.  Hmm...  It's not totally gone, but I'll take what I can get right now!

I did have a good appointment with my PCP yesterday.  She reviewed what I've been doing/trying over the last few weeks and offered me some additional suggestions.  She even promised to research some questions that I had and I look forward to her getting back to me with more information.

This afternoon, Jackson is graduating to a new belt level at Karate.  Since it is his special day, we let him pick dinner.  I thought for sure he'd want to go out to eat like he always does - Red Robin, Applebee's, even the Exton Diner.  Nope.  Tonight he wants to get McDonald's and bring it home.  So much for eating healthy!  I know one indulgence won't kill me, but I'm going to try to be good and not eat the fast food loaded with chemicals.  Hopefully I have some leftovers in the house.

Migraines, be gone!

I think I finally figured it out... without jinxing myself, yesterday's migraine was much lighter than usual and so far I don't have one today.  The short story is that I stopped taking Vitamin D.

But of course there's a long story.  Over the last 2 weeks, I've tried eliminating various things to see what was causing the migraines.  They only seemed to be getting worse.  On Monday, it was awful but I thought it was weather related.  There's always a reason, right?!  In the mean time, I thought I had finally found a form of Vitamin D that wasn't causing problems for me.  You see, I have been told that my Vitamin D is low (via blood test) and I need to take a supplement.  Several months ago I started taking D and it made me extremely dizzy and tired.  As usual, it took a few days for me to realize that it was the D causing this.  I actually thought I had a virus (truth be told, I DID have a virus which went away, then the D side effects started so I thought it was STILL the virus).

I explained this to my PCP, who had never heard of this as a side effect.  But from my perspective, there was a definite link.  About 24 hours after my last dose of D, the side effects were gone.  Just to prove it to myself, I tried the same D again and had the same results.  Eventually, I tried D in other forms, and at lower doses, but still had the same effects.  So I gave up.

Now I have a new PCP who suggested that I try a specific brand of D.  I'm up for anything that will help me get healthy, and since I'm not working I don't have to worry as much about the side effects.  Her suggestion was that this particular brand does not have ANY other ingredients in it, and it's possible that I'm reacting to something else in the mixture.  I checked my bottle at home and there were other ingredients that I thought could have been causing the reaction.  Off I went to search for the pure Vitamin D.

I couldn't find the brand suggested by my doctor, but I did find another brand that strictly had only Vitamin D in the bottle.  So I tried it.  One tiny drop at first, slowly building up to a normal dose.  And no side effects.  I was thrilled!  I thought I would finally start to feel better all around.  I could take the Vitamin D and get my level back up to normal.

And then the migraines started.  Since this isn't the same reaction as before, it took longer for me to associate it with the Vitamin D.  I have tried eliminating lots of other vitamins and things over the last 2 weeks, taken more doses of Excedrin and prescription migraine medicine than I'd like to admit, and still no relief.  Then I stopped taking the D.  Migraine gone.  Still raining, but migraine gone.

Well, it's a good thing I have an appointment with my PCP today.  At least I can update her on my latest revelation.  Maybe she'll have another solution for me to try.  Of course, with surgery only a few days away, I'm limited in what I can take for now anyway.  Looks like next week, during recovery, I'll be back to all of the vitamins.

What's with the migraines?

The last week has been one long string of migraines.  They're the same as my typical migraine, but somehow slightly different.  Unfortunately, there are so many things that could be contributing to them that I don't know where to start in getting rid of them.  Could it be a new vitamin that I'm trying?  Or, a sign of my body trying to detox with healthier eating?  If it's a vitamin, will I get used to it or do I need to eliminate it?  I guess this is all part of why I'm home.  I can use trial and error to figure out what works and what doesn't.  In all of my reading so far, it looks like real progress comes after several months.  I'm not really that patient, but I don't have much choice right now.

At least yesterday I made it out to do some food shopping.  I wish there was a Whole Foods closer to me, but the trip was worth it.  Not that I bought anything major, as I was mostly browsing.  I got some ideas though.  Then I came home and made meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner.  Yes, I cooked!  I'm doing my best to get my family away from the processed foods.  And the kids actually ate it (mostly).  For those who know Jackson, you would be as impressed as I was that he ate ALL of his meatloaf.  Some complaints in the beginning, but after completely covering each bite in sour cream, he stopped complaining and ate all of it.  He knew how proud I was of him.  Megan ate some of her meatloaf and some of the potatoes, and then wanted fruit.  I'm not going to deny her fruit.  I'm happy that her favorite foods are mostly healthy.

So now it's time to work on planning tonight's dinner.  Hopefully when this morning's migraine passes, I'll be able to get to the market and pick up some fresh ingredients to make a meal.

Patience

I'll admit, I have no patience.  Shouldn't progress happen overnight?  The migraines continue on a daily basis, for no reason that I can determine.  And that keeps me from doing the things that I want and need to be doing... reading, research, cleaning up my house, and even sleeping!  I am thankful for my break from work though, because otherwise I'd be trying to push through a whole day of work with these migraines.  I already know that that gets me nowhere.

At least yesterday, though feeling crappy with a migraine and neck pain, I was able to pick up last minute and get out to an appointment with my rheumatologist.  I didn't have to stress over rearranging work meetings or making up the time.  I took my time, gathered my thoughts before going, and had a good conversation with the doctor.

For today, I'll start my to-do list (or roll over what didn't get done on yesterday's list) and pick a thing or two to work on.  Baby steps.  Maybe I'll get to the whole foods market.  Maybe I'll only get to Target for some things that we need.  I'll take it as it comes.

Sleep

The first focus of "the book" is sleep.  The importance of solid sleep, how interrupted sleep affects the body, the role of the hypothalamus in this function, and on and on... I read this section.  I understood this section.  I thought, "no problem, I get plenty of sleep."  I can pretty much sleep any time, anywhere!  Heck, I've been diagnosed with hypersomnia, which is essentially one step below narcolepsy.  Getting sleep is not my problem!

Guess what, the book is smarter than me.  Although a sleep study a few months ago showed that I didn't have any sleep interruptions throughout the night, that's not always the case.  Lately I'm finding that I have fewer nights of uninterrupted sleep.  And the reasons are varied.  Whether it's an internal or external issue, there's always something.  Last night, our neighbors had a band playing until midnight.  Then I had stomach pains that woke me up throughout the night.  Another night, my son woke up at 4AM with a nightmare.  I was never able to fall back to sleep after comforting him.  Even naps don't always happen as planned.

So, as the book suggests, my first focus will be sleep.  Obviously, some interruptions are out of my control, but I will focus some effort on getting the 8 to 9 solid hours of sleep that is suggested.  For someone with Fibromyalgia, the muscles need that restoration every single night, and the benefit doesn't come until there is long term sleep progress.

Yesterday was quite a hectic day, and I was totally wiped out.  I enjoyed the time with family though, and I understand that I have to pick and choose where I expend my energy.  So today is a lazy day.  I'm hoping that tomorrow I have enough energy for an errand or two.  I need to start on filling my refrigerator with some more healthy foods.

Day 1 Confession

Yes, I'm going to use this blog to be honest.  I need mental improvement as well as physical improvement.  It's after noon already and I'm too tense to feel like I'm making any kind of difference.  I know that nothing will happen overnight, but I had hoped to at least be able to feel relaxed today.  The migraine is going away but my thoughts are all over the place.  I have a new cold sore, which is usually caused by stress or lack of sleep, so I know I need to rest.  I've done some reading and research, but now I need a nap and a shower.  Not sure which order yet though.

Day 1

Where do I start?  Always the first question.  For now, I'll start at the beginning for an intro to this blog, but the question still remains as it actually relates to getting healthy.

Over the last few years, my health has been spiralling downward.  I've always known that I wasn't the same as other people when it came to my physical capabilities.  But the question was always "why?"  And without any answers, I continued to push through life as a "normal" person.  I'm married to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful children.  We try to do all of the typical family things: vacations, sports, visiting family.  But I've always had problems with this normal life.  I would get too exhausted doing things that most people take for granted.  A trip to the zoo with my kids would wipe me out for days.  I can't tolerate the heat, so when we go to the beach I have to expend as little energy as possible while the kids are running around and digging holes.  I get awful migraines, have pain in my neck on a regular basis, feel achy and feverish for no reason, and I've always needed much more sleep than everyone else.  In high school, I was the only kid I knew that would come home and choose to take a nap.  I always had issues with tunnel-vision / blackouts, but it was just part of life as I knew it.

I'm not saying all of this for sympathy.  In fact, sympathy is the last thing I want right now.  I want to get BETTER!  I'm a month away from my 35th birthday, but with my limitations I act more like a 75 year old.  Over the last few years, things have gotten worse.  Recovery from any one event takes longer, new problems have been creeping up, and I have less and less decent days.

All along, I've been bandaiding the problems.  Migraine medicine (which causes its own problems), an extra vacation day to recover after a trip, shortchanging my family by resting on the weekends when I should be out with the kids.  I have a full time job, so it's not like I can rest during the week.

The realization has finally set in.  I need a break.  Keeping up at this pace (working full time, taking care of my kids, and running to doctors appointments) is causing a crash and burn phenomenom.  I can't do it anymore.  I was never Superwoman to begin with, but I sure was trying to play her on TV!

So here I sit on day 1 of my new journey.  I have a wonderful new primary care doctor who understands what I'm going through and is willing to work with me on a plan.  I have arranged for a break from work so I can focus on getting this plan in place and executing it.  Coincidentally, the Jewish Holy Day of Yom Kippur begins at sundown tonight.  A fresh, new start?  Another year inscribed in the Book of Life?  I sure hope so.  Although I really hope G-d understands that I won't be fasting this year... Item #1 on my doctor's list is nutrition.  I need it desperately.  Nutrition and sleep will be my first priorities.

Back to the original question: "Where do I start?"  I'll be diving into the book that Dr. Kuhns recommended.  It's called "From Fatigued to Fantastic" and it's written by a doctor who had Fibromyalgia (one of my many diagnoses).  I've already gotten a few tips from it but I have a lot more reading to do.  Anyone who knows me will understand my Type A personality and my need for information.  I'll be spending time doing research (on the computer, with my feet up!) and cross referencing the suggestions with how they may affect my other problems since Fibro is not my only issue.  I'm going to try to change my eating habits, and hopefully those of the rest of the family.  Sean and I have always agreed on "going green" where possible, so as I am able to, I will detoxify the house as well as the food.

I have about 2 weeks to start this program and hopefully build up some strength.  For full disclosure here, I have a hysterectomy scheduled for October 4th.  One of my many other life-long problems has been heavy, painful menstrual cycles.  I won't give too many details so no one gets scared away.  Suffice it to say that I've done everything possible to eliminate this problem, and I'm now at the last resort.  The way I see it, this is one problem that I can get rid of so I can focus on the rest of my health.  Everything has a domino effect and I think this is one domino that can be removed.  With all of the blood loss, I am consistently anemic (tired, sore muscles, etc.).  Because I'm anemic I have to take iron pills.  Iron pills cause upset to an already tempermental GI system.  Said tempermental GI system is not absorbing proper nutrition, therefore I am not healthy.  So, it's easy... stop the bleeding and feel all better!

Ok, I know it won't be that easy, but this is definitely one step I need to take.  In no way am I seeing this as a loss of any part of my womanhood (at least not right now).  To me, it's always been a negative thing and I am ready to be rid of the negativity.  As I said before, I have 2 beautiful children.  I am thankful that my uterus did its job and protected each of them for 9 months.  But that stage of my life is over and I need to focus on raising these kids.  Uterus - you're fired!

Today is a new day.  No stress from work.  Focus on me.  Eat right.  Start planning.  But, first get rid of this migraine!  Oy vey...