Wiped out

Three days of work and I'm totally wiped out. Thankfully, I slept well last night but unfortunately I woke up early today. I'm eating right (mostly), getting some exercise and changing my habits, but still wiped out. At this point, it's still hard to distinguish what is leftover fatigue from the surgery (it hasn't even been a month) and what is still my illness.

Today after I dropped Megan off at dance class I walked down the shopping center to the whole foods store, did a little shopping, and then walked back to the dance studio. Not overly exhausting, but I was wiped out anyway. Later on we took the kids to my sister's house with plans to go to the zoo near her. I opted to stay at her house and rest while she and Sean took the kids to the zoo. I hate missing things like that with my kids.

The first focus of From Fatigued To Fantastic! is sleep. The doctor's advice is that I (and other Fibromyalgia sufferers) need 8 to 9 solid, uninterrupted hours of sleep every night. For some reason, that doesn't ever seem to happen. No matter how hard I try, something always gets in the way. Either not being able to fall asleep or something wakes me up and then I can't get back to sleep, or like this morning I was accidentally woken up much earlier than I would have liked.

I'm using the suggested herbal remedy from the book (Revitalizing Sleep Formula), which does seem to help.  It's a very odd sensation, not like any prescription sleep medication I've tried.  The book explains that it helps you get the deepest sleep, and even mentions that you will have "marathon dreams."  I didn't believe it, but it's true.  It was so weird at first that I stopped taking it after a few days.  The dreams are so strange and vivid, but not disturbing - just different.  I've had issues with taking vitamins too late in the day and they cause me to have extremely vivid dreams that actually wake me up, so I was afraid this was going to be the same.  But I gave it another shot and it's actually working.

So, I'm hopeful.  I'll keep working on my plan and try not to expect overnight miracles.  A miracle every now and then would be nice, but I'll try to understand that baby steps are good, too.

The more things change...

After being out of work since mid-September, going back yesterday just reminded me of why I needed to leave. I went in with a positive attitude, hoping things would be better, more relaxed, a little less stressed. No such luck. I actually lost count of how many times my co-workers and I joked that "nothing's changed." The only changes that I noticed were the amount of dust on my desk (which I will no longer see since it is already covered in papers after one day) and the temperature. It's usually very cold in my office, but I was sweating all day yesterday.

It didn't take long for my boss to show his true colors; ignoring messages that I sent him, interrupting me constantly, and making excuses for all of the stuff that he DIDN'T do while I was out. Not one thing changed about the work that I left him. That's always fun to come back to!

I do need to focus on the positive changes. Not at work, but in my own life. Not only am I eating healthier, my family is following along. Jackson, who is the toughest with food (he's picky like I am, and he has food sensitivities), is showing very positive changes. Yesterday he told me that he actually liked the chicken I made the other night. He said it out of nowhere. And there was another comment about how trying things isn't always so bad. So, he might not love everything that I put on his plate, but he did ask for carrot sticks and hummus for a snack yesterday! Today I offered him a hard boiled egg, sliced, with pepper as part of his lunch and he was thrilled. He even agreed with me that he loves that "healthy snack!"

I'm also proud of the positive changes I have made with my personal products. Getting rid of the chemicals and making smarter choices is making a difference. I love my Tea Tree Tingle shampoo and conditioner (from Trader Joe's), natural makeup, and even using more natural home remedies. Little by little, we're detoxing the house, and teaching the kids to make good choices at the same time.

Ready or not, here I come!

Definitely more "not" than "ready" but what can I do? Started the day off as expected... with not much sleep. It's hard to turn your mind off at times like this. But, off I go in a few minutes. I packed some grapes to munch on this morning, and then I'll come home for a good lunch. I'm sure I'll need to get out of the office by lunchtime!

Going back to work tomorrow

I finally cleared my way through all of the paperwork and am cleared to go back to work tomorrow.  Not that I really feel that I'm ready for it, but I don't have much of a choice.  My primary doc put on my release note that I should work from home part time if possible, and of course that is causing more questions for HR.  But regardless of how things work out, I will be going into the office tomorrow.  I had called my department head the other day to discuss possibly having a formal work from home schedule or reducing my hours, and she never even called me back.  Nice!

So, with today being my last day at home, I managed to get a massage and try Craniosacral Therapy (which is combined with the massage).  This therapy is supposed to be helpful for Fibromyalgia and migraines so I figured I'd give it a shot.  I did feel pretty refreshed after the session - not that I think this is a cure.  Of course, after that I ran to Wegmans (which I hate!) to pick up a few things and wore myself out.  Came home, made some lunch, then took a nap.  Guess that will be my last nap for a while.

Tonight's dinner is pretty simple, at least for the amount of cooking that I have to do.  Sean cooked a brisket and potatoes over the weekend and I cooked chicken last night.  Tonight I am reheating the brisket and potatoes, and also the chicken in the brisket gravy.  I also roasted some cauliflower.  That's really the only new part.  Right now it smells good!

No work today... or tomorrow

Things could not be more confusing and messed up between my disability company and my employer.  My initial claim for fibromyalgia, submitted by my PCP, was denied (although I plan to fight that later).  In order to be approved for the claim for surgery, I have to be an active employee of the company right before the surgery.  Technically, since I was out of work for 2 weeks before that, I am not an active employee.  Thankfully (I guess), HR told me that if my initial claim was denied, then I would have to use vacation time for those first 2 weeks - which makes me an active employee again.

So the good news is that at a minimum, my surgery claim will be approved.  The surgeon released me to return to work as of today.  Unfortunately, no one has been able to get their hands on that actual paperwork!  In the mean time, on Friday afternoon, HR at my company told me that in order to return to work I need a release from not only the surgeon but also from my PCP who filled out the initial disability claim.  Makes no sense since the claim from the PCP was denied!  Anyway, the PCP's office was closed for the afternoon on Friday, and the surgeon never called me back.  So, HR told me not to come into work today.

Now, of course, I called the PCP again this morning only to find that she's out of the office for the day today!  Since I can't return to work until I have a note from her, it looks like I can't go in tomorrow either.

Not that I feel I'm ready to go back, but I don't think I have much choice.  I'm still constantly exhausted.  I wear myself out by just getting the kids ready in the morning.  And I know the healthy meals will have to stop once I go back to work full time.  I'll pretty much be in the same place I was before I stopped working.  Getting home at night just in time to throw some crap in the microwave for dinner, while struggling to help with homework and bedtime routines.  If I'm exhausted at noon today, when I've only done some laundry and ran an errand, how am I supposed to feel any better once I throw full time work back into the mix?  I'll have to keep fighting the disability company, but by the time there's any kind of determination I'll have been back at work and back to the same mess again.

Interesting Week

It's been a few days since I've posted.  On Tuesday I had my post-op appointment with the surgeon.  In spite of telling him that I still get pain when I'm too active and I get fatigued very easily, he released me to go back to work as of this Monday.  I also had an appointment for the nerve study (EMG) on Tuesday.  Thankfully it showed no nerve damage and no carpal tunnel.  So my wrist pain is referred pain from my neck and shoulder.  Good to know.  After those two appointments, I came home and crashed for a while.

On Wednesday I didn't have any appointments.  Instead I went to one store just to do a return, then drove out to Whole Foods to do some food shopping.  Exhausted again when I got home so I took another nap.  I got up in time to make a nice dinner - meatloaf and honey sweet potatoes.  Megan ate all of the meatloaf with no complaint.  Jackson eventually ate it after coating it in ranch dressing (special no-vinegar dressing that I was able to find for him at Whole Foods!).  Surprisingly, neither of them liked the honey sweet potatoes!  I don't know where I go wrong.  They only want the sweet potatoes that come out of the can.  : S  Well, at least I didn't cut myself or have any other cooking mishaps while making dinner.

Yesterday was back to running around for doctors appointments.  First was a follow up with my PCP.  She's very understanding and helpful and offers lots of suggestions, but with my short term disability situation still up in the air, there's not a whole lot she can do for me.  More on the STD claim in a minute.  While I was there, I got my flu shot.  You know, just because I felt like I needed to add a little more to the existing aches and pains.  I figured there was never going to be a time where I felt 100% AND wanted to mess that up with the flu shot, so better to get it over with now and not get the flu.  I've had the flu.  It sucks.

After that, I had a few minutes to stop home and gulp down a salad for lunch before heading out to my next appointment.  I went back to the Orthopedist for a facet injection in my neck.  A facet injection goes deeper than a regular muscle-numbing shot, and requires an x-ray while performing the injection to ensure that the doc gets it in the right spot, but not TOO far!  Scary.  But helpful.  Anyway, the nurse was taking my vitals before the procedure and for some reason my heart rate was pretty high.  I didn't feel nervous (I've had a facet injection before, and while scary, I was focusing on the relief) but maybe I was.  Or maybe it had something to do with my body reacting to the earlier flu shot.  Who knows.  Regardless, the shot was successful and I came home to nap.  Unfortunately, once the numbing shot (used before the actual facet injection) wore off, the pain started.  I knew this might happen.  It should go away in a day or so, and hopefully the actual injection will have kicked in by then.  Last time I had one of these, I was in such acute pain that I didn't really feel the pain of the shot.

So I napped for a bit but woke up feeling worse than ever.  Aches all over my body and pain in my neck.  I did my best to get through the evening... made dinner (nothing special last night), helped with homework, got the kids ready for bed, and even tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour (turned off the Phillies game!).  But the pains continued.  I had taken ibuprofen but it wasn't helping.  After trying relaxation music and a change of scenery, I gave up.  I took Tylenol with Codeine.  I figured that even if the Tylenol didn't relieve the pain, at least the Codeine would knock me out!  And it did.  : )

Today I feel somewhat better.  It was tough getting out of bed this morning, but now that I'm moving around I'm ok.  I have to run shortly to an appointment with my neurologist, and then I have several errands to run.  I know I promised info on the STD claim, but I'll have to post about that later.

A Day of Rest

Today I will be resting.  Well, I'll rest as much as I can.  Somehow I always find an errand that needs to be done.  But I definitely need to rest!  Let me back up and update the last few days.

Toward the end of last week I wasn't feeling great.  My body started aching with a flu-like feeling, which is an immediate signal for me to slow down.  This definitely wasn't part of my surgery recovery.  It was my normal "getting sick" signal.  So, I did my best to rest up and get sleep (easier said than done).  I knew I had a big weekend ahead and I needed to try to be one of those "normal" people who can go to a family event for the weekend and not need to slow down.





On Thursday I tried some new recipes.  I know everyone loves to hear of my food follies!  The initial plan was to make meatloaf and potatoes au gratin with sweet and white potatoes.  The potato recipe was from the same book as my other attempts at cooking.  I chose it hoping that the kids would eat it.

I journeyed out to get bread crumbs for the meatloaf and pick up some other things.  At Target, where I had gone for some other items first, I found bread crumbs.  I don't know what made me read the ingredients on the bread crumbs, because I thought they would be pretty simple.  I was amazed to find tons of chemicals listed on the label!  So I put those bread crumbs back and figured I would just have to make another stop at the market.

But right next to the bread crumbs, I saw a box of Shake-N-Bake.  I checked the ingredients on that, knowing that I also had chicken breasts at home.  I was again amazed, this time in a good way.  Simple ingredients and no chemicals.  It was going to be a Shake-N-Bake dinner instead!

Later that day as I started cooking, I realized that I hadn't left myself enough time.  Both recipes seemed simple when reading them, but the execution was a bit more time consuming than I expected.  I'm sure it would have taken even less time if I hadn't sliced my finger - TWICE - while slicing the potatoes!  At least I know the mandolin slicer is sharp.

The verdict of the meal - score one for the kids and two for the adults.  I did not hear one complaint from the kids on the chicken.  I had made the "Southern Un-Fried Chicken" recipe, which first coats the chicken in Ranch Dressing.  It was delicious!  The kids ate it without a word of complaint.  I don't ask for praise.  No complaints is good enough.  Sean and I also enjoyed the chicken.  The kids didn't like the potatoes.  Next time I will make them cheesier and maybe we will get a better result.  I have to learn how to doctor up certain things for my family's taste, but first I need to learn how to cook without killing myself.  On the other hand, Sean and I both loved the potatoes.  So for that, I'm happy.

Moving on to Friday, I spent the morning packing and getting ready to drive to northern NJ for a Bar Mitzvah.  It was a hectic morning as I tried not to forget anything.  I lost that battle.  Items I forgot: 2 brand new headbands that I bought for Megan just for the Bar Mitzvah, pajamas for me, socks for me, one medication for the kids, and my razor.  The evening was just as hectic as the morning.  We picked up both kids from school, drove to the hotel, got dressed for synagogue, went to dinner at the synagogue and then services.  I was thankful to be back at the hotel and ready for bed, figuring I was so tired that I would just konk out.

No such luck!  The kids took a little while to settle down and fall asleep.  By the time I got in bed, the chaos started.  From 11 to 3:15, there were some inconsiderate hotel guests being extremely loud in the hallway.  Things finally settled down after that (after hotel security took care of the problem), but by then I was just awake.  I was hungry, I was thirsty, I was everything but sleepy.  I think I finally fell back to sleep around 5:00, and the kids woke us up around 6:45 (they never sleep in on the days that you want them to!).  An hour and a half of sleep before another hectic day.

Breakfast, back to the room, get everyone dressed, and off to the Bar Mitzvah by 9:00.  I have now realized that I have to double the time it takes me to get ready, since Megan has become a mini-me.  I have to dry my hair; I have to dry her hair.  I have to straighten my hair; I have to straighten her hair.  I have to put on my makeup; I have to put on her makeup.  Somehow we got it all done though.

The Bar Mitzvah was great and everyone had fun.  By 6:00, I thought for sure the kids would rest in the room (so I could, too).  What was I thinking?  They couldn't settle down.  So at 7:45 we went to the hotel restaurant to meet the family for a while.  At some point while we were at the restaurant, Megan fell asleep on my cousin Ellen.  Jackson was out quickly when we went back to our room.  Everyone was exhausted and I figured I would finally get some sleep.  WRONG!

The hallway chaos started up again.  By 2:30 I had had enough.  Sean called the front desk and eventually the guests were kicked out.  Another night of minimal sleep.  Awake at 7ish, breakfast with the family, check-out of the hotel (and get an $80 discount for the 2 nights of no sleep!), and drive home.  Pure exhaustion, and a sore throat to go with it.  Another sign of an oncoming illness.

At least last night I had a decent night of sleep in my own bed.  No drunk 20-somethings being loud in my hallway.  Everyone was a little slow getting up this morning, with good reason.  This all reinforces my need to improve my health.  I need to be able to do "normal people" things like this without getting sick or needing extra recovery time.  Granted, even a "normal person" might need some extra sleep after the hallway chaos 2 nights in a row, but most would be able to make it through without getting sick.

So, today I'll rest.  I'll try to plan a healthy dinner, but it will definitely be on the easier side of cooking.  Thankfully, I don't have any appointments today.  I'll keep my feet up, and later I'll take a nap.

Still Recovering

As good as I feel for the most part, I need to remember that I'm still recovering from surgery.  I've been trying to ease back into a semi-normal life but I clearly wear myself out quickly these days.  Today I am resting.  I've been waking up with migraines every day lately, so I'll spend some time trying to figure out what has caused them to start up again.  Later, I'll make another attempt at a healthy dinner (that my kids most likely won't eat!).  Somewhere in between, hopefully some laundry will get done!

I thought I had completely removed my work stress for the time being, but I should have known better.  Although the current issue doesn't directly deal with work that needs to be done, it's still associated with my company and how nothing ever goes smoothly.  To make a long story short, I applied for Short Term Disability on 9/16/10.  Today is 10/13/10 and I still don't have an approved claim.  Not even for the major surgery that I just had.  To make matters worse, I can't even get in touch with a live person at the disability vendor.  Figures.  I'm trying not to worry too much for now.  But it would be nice to know whether I was going to get paid or not.

Eating Healthy

I think I'm doomed.  One of my goals to get healthy is to eat healthy.  I'm not a good cook.  I admit that freely.  I try, but I can't even boil water properly.  I have a strange habit of letting the pot boil over, which makes a mess on the stove.  I have no idea what the problem is but I really can't seem to get it right.

I guess it shouldn't be a surprise then that my last 3 attempts at making healthy food have not turned out so well.  I found some great recipes for foods that are high in the nutrients that I need to help with fibromyalgia, use unprocessed ingredients, and seemed like things that the whole family would enjoy, so I thought I'd give some of them a try.

First up was Banana Cherry Nut Bread.  Megan was thrilled to help me make this.  She poured in ingredients, mixed, mashed bananas.  The bread smelled wonderful while it was cooking.  Megan was begging for a piece of it.  She finally had a piece with dinner and promptly declared, "I don't like it."  Jackson didn't like it either.  I'll admit, it's not as sweet as a normal banana bread.  It's not terrible, but definitely not the hit I had hoped it would be.

The next attempt was hummus.  I have no idea what happened with the hummus.  It seemed like such a simple recipe that would be very tasty.  But instead it was more like a solid than a dip.  Sean even broke a wooden spoon trying to scoop some out of the Cuisinart.  Imagine sticking a cracker in that!  And it had no flavor.  In the end, I was able to work it more and make it edible (and dipable), but how does one screw up a simple mix like that?!  Only me...

Finally, for dinner last night, I had planned to make a Broccoli Cheese Pie.  It was basically a quiche, so I thought the kids would like it.  Unfortunately, by 4:00 yesterday afternoon I had worn myself out so I had to have Sean make dinner.  He's a much better cook than I am anyway.  But, with all of the slicing and dicing of fresh herbs and ingredients, he cut his finger!  Thankfully, he was ok and able to finish cooking.  I thought this meal was actually delicious.  The kids hated it.  Figures.  Can't win.

I'm starting to feel like all of my attempts to have my family (and of course, myself!) eat healthy are doomed.  I'll keep trying.  I know every little bit helps.  I think tonight might end up being a not-so-healthy meal though.  I'm still fairly worn out, and Sean will be taking Jackson to a doctors appointment after work so we'll have to sacrifice with an easy meal tonight.  Tomorrow's another day.

Jinxed myself

I should have known better.  I woke up with a migraine yesterday morning and today.  Back to the drawing board!  The good news is that overall, I'm feeling pretty good.  Still trying not to overdo it, but I think I'm able to do a little more every day.

In the words of Dory from Finding Nemo, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

Recovery

So far, so good.  I'm feeling pretty good, but finding that it's easy to over-do it.  As long as I'm resting, there is not much pain.  I can get up and get around little bits at a time.  But the longer I'm up and as the day goes on, more pain kicks in.  This is all to be expected, of course.  It's just hard to remember how much I need to rest when I am feeling ok.  In the scheme of things, I am very thankful.  I know the pain could be much worse.

I am happy to report that I haven't had a migraine since I stopped taking the Vitamin D.  (Hope I didn't just jinx myself!)  I expected to start getting them after the surgery, since I no longer needed to take hormonal birth control pills and I usually get migraines when I stop.  Thankfully, nothing yet.  Keeping my fingers crossed!

Surgery

Yesterday's surgery went well.  I had a fair amount of pain for the first few hours afterward, but by evening I was feeling better.  I was able to get out of bed with some help by 7:30 last night, and I'm getting around pretty well today.  I still have pain, moreso when I'm moving around, but it is tolerable.  I'll just take it easy for the next few days and let the healing happen.

General Update

Yesterday's appointment with the orthopedist was pretty good.  I was surprised when he told me that he thought my neck problem and Carpal Tunnel were unrelated though.  I always just assumed that the bulging discs were pinching something that was causing the occasional wrist pain, but he didn't think so.  I guess based on the pattern of wrist pain, it is its own separate issue.  So, I'll add to my list the nerve test (EMG) that he wants me to have.  I'll take care of that sometime after recovery from surgery.  He also suggested another facet injection for my neck.  That's the scary needle that injects cortisone (or other numbing medication) through the muscles and into the facet space, which is between the muscle and bone.  I had one once before, when I woke up one morning in terrible pain, and it definitely helped.  Surgery would be another option, but I don't think I'm anywhere near ready for that!

I'm feeling ok today... a little tired, as usual, but only a minor headache.  Nothing compared to my usual migraines.  Sean and I had to spend a good amount of time last night and this morning cleaning up the water in our basement from the recent storms.  I'm sure that pushing the steam vac wasn't helping my neck and shoulder.  But these are the parts of life that have to be done, and the reason I need to be all around healthier.  Now the whole house smells musty so clearly there is still more work to be done.

My surgery time for Monday is set.  I will arrive at the hospital at 10:30 to prep for a noon procedure.  I had hoped my arrival time would be earlier (to avoid the migraine from lack of food and caffeine!), but as long as I can just get this over with.  Also, a 10:30 arrival actually makes things easier.  Sean and I can get the kids ready for school and out the door, then have some time to prepare ourselves before leaving for the hospital.  I won't have to get up at the crack of dawn to shower.  : )

Today is a busy day.  I've already taken Megan to her dance class, done a bit of shopping while she was there, and then met Sean and Jackson at the Fall Jamboree at Jackson's school.  Sean is still there with the kids, and I came home to rest for a bit.  When they finish there, we're all going to a local restaurant for a late lunch to see a band play.  I'm sure the kids are going to love it, and it will give us a chance to see an old friend that Sean used to play with in a band.

Continuing the Journey

Before I get started on today's entry, a quick note on my surgery.  For those who have not been able to find it in the previous posts, I'm having a hysterectomy to resolve "dysfunctional uterine bleeding" (the technical term).

As for today's journey, I'm off to meet yet another doctor.  This appointment is with an orthopedist to review my neck and shoulder pain, as well as some abnormalities found on a CT scan.  The neck pain has been bad for years.  Although it's a distinct issue in and of itself (herniated discs and arthritis), it is also somehow related to the migraines.  All of my migraines include pain in my neck.  So, is the migraine making the neck pain worse or is the neck pain making the migraine worse?  Will solving one help the other?  Many who know me are used to seeing me walk around with my right hand on my neck because of the pain.  I do find it interesting though, that my general, daily neck pain has been significantly less over the last two weeks.  Two weeks with much less stress, not sitting in an uncomfortable chair at a desk.  Hmm...  It's not totally gone, but I'll take what I can get right now!

I did have a good appointment with my PCP yesterday.  She reviewed what I've been doing/trying over the last few weeks and offered me some additional suggestions.  She even promised to research some questions that I had and I look forward to her getting back to me with more information.

This afternoon, Jackson is graduating to a new belt level at Karate.  Since it is his special day, we let him pick dinner.  I thought for sure he'd want to go out to eat like he always does - Red Robin, Applebee's, even the Exton Diner.  Nope.  Tonight he wants to get McDonald's and bring it home.  So much for eating healthy!  I know one indulgence won't kill me, but I'm going to try to be good and not eat the fast food loaded with chemicals.  Hopefully I have some leftovers in the house.